Damn you Kansas City

I have nothing of note to report except that we lost to another dog shit team. This video is much more entertaining than anything that happened in tonight's game.

Bondo is our Beautiful Loser

"He's your oldest and your best friend
If you need him, he'll be there again
He's always willing to be second-best
A perfect lodger, a perfect guest

Beautiful loser
Read it on the wall
And realize
You just can't have it all"

Bob Seger, Beautiful Loser


His split-finger fastball is downright un-hittable at times. His fastball still tops out at 93 MPH and he added a slider that splinters right-handed hitter's bats. Outside of Verlander, no Tiger starter has better "swing and miss" stuff than Bondo. Unfortunately, his stuff hasn't translated to All Star appearances or even mediocrity since his rookie year. Bondo lost another heart-breaker tonight, allowing only three earned runs in eight strong innings on another night of limp offensive production.

Bondo's career inability to live up to his potential has always been mental. He struggles with the big inning (at least it's not the 5-run first inning variety ala 2008 anymore). He often lets an error or bad call lead to a big inning rather than digging in. Yet, he shows enough flashes of greatness to endear himself to Tiger fans, including yours truly. What makes Bonderman so lovable is the fact that he carries himself like Bob Gibson when he's on the mound and if the scoreboard didn't take score, I'm sure he'd expect to be carried off the field each inning. Every time he strikes out the side, every time he goes four innings with no hits, every All Star that he befuttles at the plate, every flash of greatness and you think "Finally, he's going to realize his potential!!" This is usually when he hits the next batter, gives up two duck-snort singles and self destructs. It doesn't matter, I still get excited for his next outing and one has to admit that he is having an admirable year with a 3.72 ERA and 44 strikeouts to 22 base on balls. In his last six starts, he's given up only 11 earned runs and the Tigers are 5-3 in the last eight games he has pitched in. If Porcello gets it together and Scherzer's Sunday outing was not a fluke, the Tigers are suddenly looking like a team with a starting rotation to match their bullpen. Now, we just need a few less beautiful losers in our lineup because Bondo needs more runs.

"Beautiful loser
Never take it all
'Cause it's easier
And faster when you fall"

What the hell just happened?

"Don't check the Tiger scores son. Just enjoy yourself."

These were the words of my father, wise sage that he is, before I left for Mexico for five days over the long weekend. I took his advice, ignored the free use of wi-fi in our hotel in exchange for cold beer, sunshine and plenty of sleep. The Tigers were one game out of first place with a relatively easy schedule of two games against Seattle and four at home against the A's whom we just handled soundly in Oakland. Surely, these nerds would not give my beloved franchise trouble would they?



The Tigers now sit 4.5 games behind the Twins who are showing no mercy with a 5-game winning streak, as would be expected from those bastards. In reading up, looks like Ryan Perry blew two saves, Verlander and Porcello got touched and our offense took a week off (make that the front end of our lineup took a week off as 6-9 hitters haven't showed up all year as lamented in previous postings). The only three bright spots I could read about from this week were exceptional starts by Bonderman and Scherzer, the latter which was not blown by the bullpen, and another outrageous week of hitting from Cabrera who had more RBI and home runs this week than sorry-ass Inge has all season. Maybe I will simply look back at this vacation as perfect timing in missing the only cold week of the year for the Tigers or maybe I will be reading about training camp for the Lions much earlier than I want to. The Tigers start a series with the pathetic Indians. Surely, these nerds won't pose a problem . . .

John Fogerty over Jack Morris for HOF? GTFOH

In their infinite wisdom, Cooperstown has decided to induct a song into the MLB Hall of Fame. I can't make this shit up. John Fogerty will perform "Centrefield" live at the induction ceremony before his hit song from the 80's is inducted into the Hall. I have not been able to confirm rumors that they plan to induct a hot dog and 20 oz beer at the 2011 ceremony or Robert Redford for his role as Roy Hobbes in "The Natural" in 2012. Why don't they just go the hippie route of the Norwegians and vote in Obama for his "passion for his home town White Sox".

These assholes on the committee can spend time voting on a song but can't find enough votes for THE clutch pitcher of the 1980's? Really, why is Jack Morris not in the Hall of Fame? Members need to have distinguished themselves against their peers in the particular era in which they played. Let's see, "Black Jack" was the ace on three different World Series Champions over a fifteen year stretch, winning the 1991 WS MVP after pitching 10 shutout innings in a Game 7 (never done before or since). He finished in the Top 5 for innings pitched in every year from 1981 to 1991. Over that same time period, he finished Top 5 in Cy Young voting five times and received MVP votes in each of those years. One of my favorite Morris stats is his finishing Top 3 in complete games seven times from 1981 to 1991 (15, 17, 13, 20, 15, 13, 10, 10, 11, 10). To put that into perspective, baseball's most worked pitcher today is C.C. Sebathia who led the AL in complete games in 2007 with four complete games. There was no greater competitor than Morris in his era and his 28 complete game shutouts is evidence (by contrast, Verlander is considered an ace today and has three career shutouts in five years). He was also mean which should count for some votes - "Cactus Jack" led the majors in wild pitches in 83, 84, 85, 87, 91, and 94. Calling them wild pitches is a bit disingenuous however; Jack was aiming for their heads and missed. It was rumored when Jack played ball that the fastest way to a man's heart was a Morris fastball. After his classic Game 7 win, Twins OF Randy Bush said of Morris, "I want to know one thing: Who was going to take him out of this game? Who would have had the courage to say, 'Jack, you're done'? I don't think anyone would have done it. If it was T.K. [ manager Tom Kelly], Jack would have punched him, kicked him; he might have killed him."


Don't get me wrong, I'll turn up that catchy little folk song if no one is looking on the highway. There might be a stroke of genius in using the crack of a wood bat as part of your percussion section, I'll give you that Mr. Fogerty. But what does this lead to? Will Springsteen play "Glory Days" at next year's ceremony and Dire Straits fire up "Walk of Life" in 2012? Can we expect to see Hank Williams Jr. in Canton and "insert any rap artist" free-styling "insert any rap song" with David Stern in Springfield? Will Bryan Adams rock out in Toronto in 2013? I should hope not. HOF voters, quit dicking around and vote in a true God of baseball. If you don't, Jack Morris might just kick your ass. For more on this Tigers legend, check out this legendary article from Sports Ilustrated.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1140322/index.htm

Tigers need Oswalt

Now that we're 44 games into the 2010 season, we have a pretty good idea what this Tigers team is all about. They are a slightly above average hitting team but heavily dependent on their 1-5 hitters. They compare well with the Twins in average (.269 vs. .275) but have scored 30 less runs. This can be attributed to two things - Minnesota has 30 more walks and 50 less strikeouts. In other words, they have more RBI opportunities and give themselves a chance by putting the ball in play. The bottom of our lineup absolutely shits the bed every 3rd inning. We have 40 strikeouts each from our 3rd base slot, catcher and 2B slot. Guillen should be an immediate offensive upgrade at second base but we could use a third baseman and catcher who now how to swing a bat. Inge, Laird and Avila are liabilities at best. That being said, we score enough to make a serious run at the playoffs.

Our bullpen is lights out. They rank first in wins, first in ERA and can run 6-7 quailty pitchers at you in a series. Our closer has been ridiculous, posting a 0.48 ERA and Zumaya leads all MLB relievers in strikeouts. When we get to the 6th inning with a lead, we basically win.

What we don't have is a reliable 1-2-3 starting rotation. Willis and Bonderman are adequate as fourth and fifth starters. Both are good enough to win ten games which is basically all you need at those slots to make a legitimate run for a pennant. Verlander is back to his old form, posting five wins and an ERA of 3.43. Porcello has been unpredictable and rarely worthy of second starter. His ERA is 5.96 and he's 2-3, in spite of impressive run support. The kid is young and going through his sophomore slump. The Tigers cannot count on Ricky being there through another long season with an arm that young. Our third spot has been a disaster with Scherzer now pitching in Toledo and Gallaraga trying to fill in after an awful 2009 campaign. The Tigers are not going to contend with the Twins all year with an average lineup and one strong starter.

This brings us to Oswalt. Roy is 32 years old but his stats would immediately make him our ace. He is only 2-6 but has nine consecutive quality starts and his ERA of 2.66 is among the best of all MLB starters. Roy has thirteen years of MLB experience and would bring some badly needed maturity and professionalism to a young group of starters who have more mental issues than physical. He wants to win which is why he is asking for this trade and a Verlander/Oswalt combo would keep the Tigers in contention throughout the rest of the year. His contract is pricey but that shouldn't matter to Ilitch and history would say that we won't need to give up that much for him as the Astros benefit just by cutting their salary cap. The Tigers might be slow on this idea as Jake Peavy hasn't exactly worked out for the Sox and we got the high hard one in the Washburn deal last year.

This shouldn't dissuade the Tigers and they should aggressively bid on Oswalt and even up the playing field with Minnesota. While they're at it, trade Inge for an extra bay boy and two beer vendors (it took too long to get a Miller Lite last time I was at Comerica).

Five reasons why I hate the White Sox

The Sox have been abysmal this season. They can't hit, they can't pitch and they can't win. They beat the Tigers brains in today, of course. I hate you White Sox.

1. They own the Tigers. This team could dress up nine kids from the Birmingham Barons in black and white and still beat our asses. Since 2005, the Tigers have played 13 teams at least 35 times and have the worst record against the White Sox at a flaccid (def: lacking normal or youthful firmness) 34-58 or .370 winning percentage. Worse yet, we've played 28 teams in that period and only have a worse record against the Diamondbacks who we've only played nine times. Take it back ten years to 2000 and our record improves dramatically to a Herculean .383 winning percentage. If you go back twenty years to 1990, no team had better success against the Tigers than Chicago with a 120-180 record or .600 winning percentage. The Tigers are 59-90 at home and 61-90 in Chicago. In essence, I've spent my entire adult life watching the Sox routinely handle my favorite baseball team. If you're reading this Obama, I hate you too.



2. They stick it to us when it matters. I can't remember winning a big series against the Sox. They have a way of taking every series that feels like a sound kick to the groin. In 2006, we lost the Division title by one game to the Twins and a sweep of the Sox would have locked it up early. With nothing to play for, Freddy Garcia one-hits the Tigers and Verlander gets bombed. The Tigers end up getting swept by KC and settling for the Wild Card. In 2008, the Tigers are trailing the Sox by 5.5 games and have a one-run lead in the 9th against the Sox in Chicago. Jermaine Dye hits a 2-out, 2-run home run to take the lead and all but end the season. In 2009, with a 3-game lead and five games to play, the Tigers need only two wins in a series with Chicago to clinch the Division. They lose two of three in Chicago to a team with nothing to play for (Sox players even took our best hitter, Cabrera, out and liquored him up for good humor which is dirty pool). The Tigers had their chance at redemption with a rain makeup that could have ended Chicago's season in 2008. Instead, laid down and let Chicago move on to a one-game playoff with Minnesota who showed us how it's done. I hate you Chicago.


3. Their "dream season" ended in glory; ours was an epic failure. The 2005 White Sox and 2006 Tigers were spitting images. Neither team was an odds-on favorite to win it all. The Sox won 99 games and the Tigers won 95, though the Tigers were a much bigger surprise as they helped unseat the Sox in the Central after they won a ring. Both teams had not won a championship in a very long time - the Sox had an 88-year draught and the Tigers hadn't won in 22 years. Both were sentimental favorites and were looked at as "good for their cities", whatever the hell that means. Both were dominant in the first two rounds, posting identical 7-1 playoff records heading into the World Series. That's where the similarities end. The Sox destroyed a weak National League team in a sweep to take home the trophy while the Tigers gave away the World Series to their weak NL team, the Cardinals. Detroiters were so ready for the chance to celebrate just like the Sox did the year before but it's almost as if some drunk jackass from the South Side kicked the record player right in the middle of a great song. It wasn't that the Tigers didn't win the WS, they didn't even show up. I hope you get herpes Sox fans.

4. They're not even the most popular baseball team in their city. Sure, Sox fans will try to tell you that the real fans reside in the South Side but attendance won't back that story up. The Sox only draw when they're winning. In seven of the last ten years, the Cubs have drawn 1,000,000 more fans and the Sox even had to reduce their capacity by 7,000 in 2004 to keep it from looking so empty all the time. In 2005, the Sox won the WS and the Cubs were horrible yet led again in attendance. U.S. Cellular is located in a dingy area, sort of like the entire city of Detroit with the one difference being you are a $20 cab ride away from a fun neighborhood. In Detroit, all walks of life mix it up and head to the South Side of Detroit to watch a game whereas Sox get the leftover riff-raff that just got kicked out of Murphy's before the game. What pisses me off is that Detroit doesn't have a second team and all of our fans look like Sox fans anyway. Are all these girls from Downriver? All the better, I hope someone sticks a banana in your Mercedes tailpipe Reinsdorf.



5. Ron Karkovice. This may seem like an odd choice given that most people love to hate Pierzynski, but he is actually a good ball player and a legitimate reason why the Sox win games. Carlton Fisk had an excellent run in Chicago but he chose different colored Sox for his HOF induction. Karkovice irritates me more than any of them. The Tigers have prided themselves on a rich tradition of ridiculous catchers. Notwithstanding Mickey Cochrane and Bill Freehand, the Tigers had three catchers that combined for 17 of 30 Silver Sluggers awards since 1980 in Lance Parrish, Mickey Tettleton, Ivan Rodriguez (toss in ROY Matt Nokes in 1987 for good measure). That being said, we got kicked around the field by a team that had this dumpasaurus catching for them over eleven years. He hit .221 career and didn't even look fit to coach 3rd base. He looked like a pizza that fell on the floor and grew a mustache while it was down there. Those teams had Frank Thomas, Ventura, Rock Raines and Julio Franco yet no one pissed me off like Karkovice. What a disgrace to baseball players everywhere. You deserve this turd Sox fans, I hope he moves in with you and eats all your ice cream.

Boy Wonder is right, Red Sox are uninspired - Tigers Six Pack

1. "We’re still playing bad baseball. Unintelligent, undisciplined, uninspired baseball. It’s got to change. It changes itself or we have to do something to change it.” Theo Epstein, May 3rd

I have to agree with God's gift to Sabermetrics. The Sox match up well with the Tigers based on talent but just didn't seem to want it as much. The Tigers out-hustled, out-scrapped and generally out-played the Sox throughout the three-game set. Today was no different as the Tigers beat the Sox at their own game, making Lackey throw too many pitches early, getting a lead and holding on with great defense and bullpen. The young lineup of the Tigers made this version of the Red Sox look old and tired.

2. This game changed on an incredible at-bat by Alex Avilla. He drew 11 pitches from Lackey, fouling off four balls with a full count and ultimately walking to load the bases. More importantly, Alex was down 1-2 and fought off those pitches with two outs to extend an inning that ultimately plated two early runs. In total, Lackey threw 35 pitches. Lackey was noticeably frustrated at his inability to end the inning with a .150 hitter at the plate. He may also have been frustrated after having been voted one of baseball's ugliest starting pitchers (see picture).

3. One thing is certain from watching this series: Kevin Youkilis has no business playing first base. He looks like a beer league catcher who had to fill in when someone didn't show up. At this point, my boy Theo should think about Yook's safety as odds are scratch that he gets hit in the head with a throw from shortstop before the year ends. On a weak ground ball from Brennan Boesch in the 3rd inning, the "Greek God of Errors" looked liked he was fending away a hornet rather than trying to actually catch the ball. Two innings later, he fell down trying to move 5 feet to his right on a worm-burner from Donnie Kelly that might not have made it to the grass. What are they trying to do with him out there? The DH was created with bozos like this in mind. Oh yeah, we haven't forgotten that you got your ass kicked by our 20-year old pitcher last year, boyyyyy.



4. Rumor on the street is the Sox are in negotiations with Shawn Johnson about a potential starting catcher job as both of their catchers throw like little girls anyway. After watching Varitek and Martinez throw to second for two days, this girl is an upgrade.



5. I can't make it through a post without highlighting Jim Leland's ineptness. With a 5-1 lead and Bondo in firm control in the 7th, Jim felt the need to pull him with two outs after he made quick work of the first two hitters in the inning. Fu-Te Ni came in and promptly loaded the bases before getting "Nancy" Drew to strike out. This was a classic example of Leland over-managing. You've got a four-run lead, let Bondo finish the inning for the love of Pete. On another interesting side note, I noticed that Fu-Te Ni, who hails from Taiwan, came out of the bullpen to "Old Time Rock n' Roll" by Bob Seger. Clearly, this was a diversionary tactic to get the fans on their feet and forget about the silly blunder by Leland or maybe I'm wrong and Ni rocks the Motor City legend on his ipod.



6. Final shout-out to my Uncle Torry who passed away yesterday. Like all good Michiganders, Torry didn't miss many Tiger games which always gave us a common thread to talk about through the years. He was a good man and a hell of a pitcher in his prime (if you didn't know how good, you could just ask him). I can remember him trying to teach me how to throw from a windup and coming to my little league ballgames when I pitched. Torry was Detroit to the core; he cut his grass daily, drank beer in a lawn chair in his driveway in the summer and used his pessimistic sense of humor to liven up holiday parties. He always wanted to know what was going on in my life and took a real interest in me. I will miss that grumpy old man and as Ernie would say, I hope he's enjoying his "next journey" already.

Tigers Six-Pack -- Ridiculous 7-6 win over Bosox

1. The Tigers had to overcome seven strong innings from Lester who has only given up three earned runs in his last four games (Tigers hung four on him tonight) and two nasty innings from Boston closer Jonathon Papelbon. Seriously, you walked in the winning run? Throw a meatball on 3-0 for God's sake. Sox fans are not sleeping tonight. This win feels very good anyway, even though Boston hand delivered this win on a platter and probably aren't that good. Remember that you heard it first on www.ianjr.com - we're winning the World Series this year.

2. I'm going on record as saying Brennan Boesch is the best Tiger rookie since Austin Jackson. This kid can straight rake and doesn't seem to favor lefties or righties. He will put you on blast if you throw him strikes. Papelbon mowed down everyone he faced tonight aside from BB who mashed his first fastball for a double up the gap. Guillen at 2nd base is starting to look like a plan as Sizemore needs more time in the minors and Carlos isn't pushing Brennan out of the lineup. I haven't bought a Tigers jersey since Mickey Tettleton batted fifth but I'm leaning toward a #26 jersey. He came into this game hitting .379 and posted four more hits.

3. BP announced today that they still have not contained the oil spill in the gulf. In related news, Sox reliever Okajima couldn't contain the gusher of offense in the 8th inning as he was pummeled for three hits, two earned runs which included a Mags blast. Sayonara Okajima-son. You should have borrowed some "Fuji dust" from your diabolical manager.


4. This was the fourth time this year that the Tigers have come back from five runs or more in a ball game. It makes me feel lame that I couldn't post one comeback after crashing early three nights in a row in my most recent trip to Vegas.

5. Kevin Youkilis lived up to his nickname tonight. Billy Bean famously gave him the name of "Greek God of Walks" in Money Ball. Tonight, Yook had 5 walks in his first six plate appearances. It's a miracle that this game went to extra innings with the Tigers giving up 11 free passes. You should be ashamed of yourself Boston. Seriously, go stand in the corner for a timeout.


6. I like this mohawk movement. Every good team has a schtick and this juvenile haircut game is catching fire. With unemployment at nearly 30%% in Detroit, look for the trend to catch on as no one actually has to explain it to their boss.

Jacob Turner first home start this Sunday

Jacob Turner, Detroit's 2009 1st Rd draft pick gets his first start for Class A West Michigan this Sunday. It won't be long before this kid makes you forget the name Strasburg.

"Jacob Turner can blow you away with a fastball. That is a power arm."
Mark Texeira, Spring Training 2010



http://web.minorleaguebaseball.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20100514&content_id=10032014&vkey=news_t582&fext=.jsp&sid=t582

Sherzer would look great in a Mudhens uniform

Last year, we brought in much heralded Jarrod Washburn for a postseason push and proceeded to watch him throw batting practice for a month. Just as sure as a credit card transaction when my wife visits Nieman Marcus, Washburn was good for six earned runs and a 3rd inning departure. Had we yanked him even one game sooner, we'd be looking at a Division Title.

It's getting hard to think that Sherzer isn't this year's version of JW but it's still early enough to do something about it. First, let's look at Mad Max's stats:

- He's given up a home run in six of seven games, including an AL Central leading eight on the season and two in the first inning Friday against the Sox.
- His ERA of 7.82 is ugly. It's so ugly, if his ERA stuck it's head out the window, it would get arrested for mooning. Only two starting pitchers have worse ERA's, one of which is Edwin Jackson (which should make Tigers fans feel a little better about this trade).
- Max has gone seven innings once all year and has pitched only 5, 5, 4 and 3 innings in his last four starts. Bottom line, he's wearing out the best bullpen in baseball. In last night's game, the Tigers were defeated before they could even take their first swing.

I'm arguing right now to make the switch to Eddie Bonine. Bonine is young but at 28, not so young that he doesn't much starting experience. He's been in professional baseball for several years now and has performed well at AAA Toledo. He only has two years of big league experience but you can't argue with his production so far in 2010. Here's the breakdown:

- 14 games, 19 innings pitched, 0.96 ERA
- Bonine has a 0.96 WHIP (walks, hits per innings pitched) which would put him in the Top 25 in baseball, of any pitcher (starter or reliever).
- 3-0 record is evidence of Eddie's toughness this year. He's been put in some tough hold situations and held the line - a question mark coming into this year.
- He is also a favorite of my pops. Beast loves to remind me when "the young" Eddie Bonine has a stellar outing and has enough of his games in Toledo to qualify as an expert. I will forgive for now the fact that Eddie looks like dillweed Zach Miner.

Let Max work Toledo for a month and get his confidence back. We can replace Eddie in the bullpen with Figaro who is 4-1 with a 2.55 ERA in Toledo, including 27 strikeouts in 35 innings. If Figaro doesn't have the mental makeup, Gallaraga has pitched better of late and has plenty of big league experience.

Bottom line, status quo isn't working and this race is too close to worry about Max's feelings, something Leland is altogether too concerned with. Leland, get off your ass, sit Scherzer and give Bonine a shot. We need only a bridge to my boy Jacob Turner who makes his first home start at Class A West Michigan on Sunday (look for that upcoming post).