Screw Lebron, wait until Boesch's decision in 2016

If you thought this year's NBA free agent dog and pony show was intense, just wait until the entire world gets caught up in the Brennan Boesch sweepstakes of 2016. After another five years at this pace, Brennan will be on track to break every MLB record. We should expect the Tigers to sign the young lady killer after this season to at least a five-year deal as the league has yet to realize how silly this kid is. We won't be so lucky in 2016.

"We fully expect Brennan to command a record-breaking offer in five years. It's simply a matter of time. We just hope we can win 3-4 World Series rings with his bat before that time comes.", reported Dave Dumbrowski on the hottest asset to hit the sports world since Matt Nokes in 1987 or maybe Chad Krueter in 1992.

Brennan was humble as usual. "Look, I'm young and still learning the game. Let me get 500 home runs under my belt before we start talking about the next contract. I'm just focused on helping my team win games, solving the unemployment problem in Detroit and landing a few action hero roles in the off-season." Indeed, this humble young man is obviously grounded and completely unaffected by his recent success.

Knowing full well that a spot on Brennan's entourage could set one up for life, Gerald Lard has taken to carrying Brennan's bag to his car after games. "Look, I've got two, maybe three weeks left in the bigs the way Avilla is hitting. I need to think about my future. Brennan is going to need a crew and every good crew has a fat guy. Think about it, Turtle in Entourage, Chunk from Goonies, Carnie from Wilson Phillips. I think I add value."

Detroit fans are already fretting over his potential defection to the Yankees or Red Sox. Most imagine that the announcement will precede a Presidential address beamed via satellite across the world. "You know, Brennan Boesch doesn't think about those things because Brennan Boesch plays it one game at a time. I'm still the same kid from Southern California that I was two months ago.", Boesch stated from his new Maserati. He hollered "Hurry up!" and Lard finished pumping his gas before the two sped off.